


Difficult Conversations

by ultragirlvfr750



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultragirlvfr750/pseuds/ultragirlvfr750
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Second Annual Brenda.Sharon Month of Love.  Prompt: Rusty tries to convince Brenda to ask Sharon to marry her so they can adopt Rusty together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Difficult Conversations

1.

“Tell me you are not standing there eating Nutella right out of the jar!?”

Sharon’ s voice startled Brenda and she quickly slid the offending jar across the island and instinctively popped her index finger into her mouth.

She turned, ducking her head, and looked up at Sharon with what she hoped was a winsome smile.

“Just one tiny bit,” Brenda admitted, “Rusty must have left it out this morning. It’s just so….ooh, it’s just so yummy…”

“You couldn’t resist,” Sharon sighed, but she was smiling as she moved toward her lover.

“Kind of like I can’t resist you,” Brenda purred and drew the Captain close, breathing in the light scent of lavender that she’d come to love so well.

Their kiss was long and familiar and Sharon could taste the nutella on Brenda’s lips. 

“Don’t change the subject,” she admonished as she pulled back, “you can’t just kiss me every time you want to avoid a topic.”

Brenda arched one eyebrow and laughed.

“And why not? Distractin’ you is almost as fun as sneakin’ sweets right out of the jar.”

Sharon swatted her lightly on the arm and then turned to pour herself some coffee. It gave Brenda a chance to appreciate Sharon’s casual attire. She loved the Captain in her pencil skirts and severe jackets and had even come to respect the seemingly endless rows of stilettos, which in Brenda’s opinion all looked basically the same, that lived in their shared closet but she adored the weekends when Sharon dressed down. 

This morning she’d thrown on a off the shoulder white, cotton shirt that clung to her curves in all the right places. It draped over dark jeans that showcased her lean legs, and she was padding around their condo with bare feet. Brenda loved it when Sharon went barefoot, her toenails always perfectly polished in rich colours. This week’s was deep red. Sharon rarely wore coloured polish on her fingernails because of work and Brenda loved seeing it on her toes.

“Earth to Brenda,” Sharon said over the rim of her coffee mug.

Brenda shook her head and looked up.

“I was just enjoyin’ the view,” she smirked. 

“Well while you were admiring my posterior I take it you missed what I just said about Rusty?”

“Rusty?” Brenda mimicked as she poured her own coffee, squeezing in a generous amount of honey. “He’s been awfully moody lately. ‘Specially with me.”

“Have you tried talking with him about it?” Sharon asked.

Brenda tightened her grip on the mug and stared down at her hands.

“Once or twice, I guess. If you call me talkin’ at him and him gruntin’ back at me a discussion, then yes.” 

“Teenagers can be challenging at the best of times Brenda,” Sharon cupped her hand around Brenda’s, “and Rusty’s more,” she searched for the right word, “complicated, at best.”

“You think I don’t know that, Shar?” Brenda said sharply. “After everything that we’ve been through together?” 

Sharon could hear the frustration in her lover’s voice. Frustration and confusion. She continued, her voice low.

“I thought we’ve been doing pretty well. I mean, you know Fritzi always wanted to have a child. It was one of my biggest regrets, not realizin’ how serious he was about that before we married.”

Brenda looked up at Sharon with almost a pleading expression.

“I thought about it. Bein’ a mother, but it always seemed like there would be time for that later. And then later came and I realized I didn’t…I didn’t want….”

“You didn’t want to be a mother and try to run a murder room at the same time,” Sharon said quietly.

“I know that other women have done it. You did it for heaven’s sake.”

“It was different for me,” Sharon countered.

“How was it different?” Brenda shot back. “It’s not different. If I’m bein’ honest with myself when push came to shove I didn’t want to be a mother. I’m not so myopic that I can’t see my own selfishness.”

Sharon placed her coffee mug on the island and drew Brenda to her, capturing her eyes with her own.

“Recognizing that you don’t want to bring a child into the world and raise it is not selfish. It’s honest. I had children because I wanted to Brenda. And just because I wanted them didn’t mean that it was always easy. “  
“Obviously,” Brenda replied.

“Where’s all this coming from now?” Sharon cocked her head and brushed a lock of Brenda’s hair away from her eyes. 

“This whole Stroh business,” Brenda spat out his name, “It’s more upsettin’ for Rusty than he lets on. Andrea told me that she had to explain to him that he’s probably still going to have to testify. I swear, Sharon, I could have killed Rios for not bein’ up front with him. I don’t trust her and I wish Andrea was dealin’ with this. I’d feel a whole lot better.”

Sharon laughed softly.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing other than the fact that you’re sounding exactly like a mother,” Sharon smiled.

Brenda snorted. “That’s not motherin’, it’s just plain lookin’ out for your witnesses. I don’t know where Emma Rios got her law degree but she’s no Andrea Hobbs.”

“Mmm, what’s all this sudden championing of DDA Hobbs? Should I be jealous?”

Brenda’s hands found their way into Sharon’s hair and she pulled the brunette hard against her.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response Cap’n Raydor.” 

Brenda’s lips trailed lazily up the column of Sharon’s neck. She kissed along her jawline, pulling her lover’s thick hair aside and gently bit her earlobe. At Sharon’s sharp intake of breath she pushed her hips ever so lightly against the Captain’s.

“Do you have anything planned for this morning or can I take you back to bed?” Brenda purred.

Sharon ran her index finger along Brenda’s bottom lip, kissed the side of her face and, regretfully, drew away.

“As tempting an offer as that is, it’s your turn to be ‘Mommy’ this morning.”

 

“Shoot, I forgot again, didn’t I?” Brenda checked her watch. “What kind of ‘mother’ am I if I can’t even remember the kid?” 

“A forgetful one,” Sharon laughed. “What time is Rusty finished with Dr. Joe?”

“In about 15 minutes. And I’m at least half an hour away.” 

Sharon marvelled again at how quickly Brenda could go from being almost a caricature of a languid southern belle to flying around their shared kitchen, jamming her cell phone and keys into the monstrosity of a purse that she still insisted on carrying and dumping the rest of her coffee into a hastily procured travel mug.

“Damnit, he’s already bein’ so distant with me. Shar, will you text him? Tell him I’ll be there as soon as I can?”

“You can text him yourself you know.”

“Shar- please?”

“Of course I will,” she kissed a very distracted Brenda on the cheek, “And don’t drive like a madwoman.”

Brenda waved her hand in the air behind her as she hurried to the door.

“And use the…

The door slammed.

“GPS…..” Sharon finished in the empty room and shook her head.

 

2.

Rusty was waiting outside Dr. Joe’s office when Brenda arrived, frazzled and twenty minutes late. 

He got in the car and gave her a reproachful look.

“You got lost again didn’t you?” his voice accusing.

Brenda sighed and steeled herself for yet another conversation full of accusations and awkward silences.

“It’s complicated.”

Rusty grunted. “It’s not that complicated. Millions of people drive all over LA every day. How can you live somewhere for ten years and still get lost?”

“I guess I’m just better at solvin’ homicides than I am at followin’ directions.”

“You don’t even solve homicides anymore,” Rusty pointed out the obvious.

Brenda ground her teeth together and bit back a retort. She drove, eyes on the traffic in front of her, the silence between them like a wall.

Rusty shifted in his seat, turning his shoulder to Brenda and he looked out the window, deliberately ignoring her. Brenda glanced over at his hunched form and resolved to deal with whatever was bothering him head on. 

She quickly changed lanes and swung the car to the left, scanning the street for a cafe that she thought, vaguely, was up ahead. She remembered David Gabriel taking her there a number of times when everything was going sideways with Goldman. She remembered it being somewhat private, quiet and a good place to talk. At that time in her life David, and Sharon, had been her lifeline. If it hadn’t been for the two of them Brenda was sure the outcome of the lawsuit and what happened next, would have been much, much worse. Those late night coffees with David had been a godsend and she was hoping that a return to somewhere familiar would help her bridge the distance that had blossomed between her and Rusty.

“What are we stopping for?” Rusty asked as Brenda put the car in park. He continued to slouch in his seat, pointedly ignoring her, looking out the passenger window.

Brenda drew in a breath and silently counted to ten.

“I used to come here a lot. With David Gabriel. You know with everything goin’ on with Goldman. We’d sit and talk, sometimes for hours.” Brenda said. “It was because of him, and Sharon too, that I didn’t go completely out of my mind.”

“That’s sort of ironic isn’t it?” Rusty asked, still not looking at her.

“What’s ironic?” At least he was talking.

“You spending a bunch of time baring your soul to Lieutenant Gabriel, and it turned out that he was the leak in the end?”

Brenda laughed wryly.

“I suppose. I’m not always the best judge of character. Although it was his fiancee who was technically the leak, not him.”

“Isn’t that the thing you’re supposed to be the best at?” Rusty accused.

Brenda turned to the young man next to her and tentatively touched his arm. When he didn’t flinch she laid her palm on his shoulder in what she hoped was a mollifying gesture.

“Rusty, I don’t know what I’ve done to make y’all so angry with me, or how it is that I can fix it. But I can’t fix anything unless I know why you’re so mad. I’m hopin’ you’ll come inside and let me buy you a coffee, or one of those ‘frappa-whatchamacallits’ you like and at least talk to me.”

Brenda’s voice was close to breaking as she finished speaking and Rusty turned to look at her. His eyes were full of pain and she could see he was trying hard to mask it, to pretend he didn’t care. She felt a rush of emotion then and it took all of her strength not to pull him into an embrace.

“Fine,” the word was clipped but Brenda was relieved that at least he got out of the car, even if he did slam the door too hard.

She followed him into the coffeehouse and paid for a coffee for herself and, indeed, some blended ice and coffee concoction slathered in whipped cream for Rusty. It looked so appealing that Brenda briefly considered changing her order to mimic his but thought the better of it at the last moment. 

Rusty had chosen a table in an alcove, furtherest from the door and one that would afford them the most privacy. Deja vu washed over Brenda as she made her way toward the boy. It seemed this was a spot she was destined to hash out difficult conversations and she filed a mental note to thank Gabriel for bringing her here all those years ago.

She sat across from Rusty and quietly waited. She watched as he fiddled with the straw in his drink. Finally he lifted his eyes and looked her and Brenda tried to keep her face as neutral as possible.

“You know that Sharon’s divorce is final, right?” he started.

“For a couple of months now, yes.” Brenda nodded.

“Of course you know. She probably tells you everything. “ Rusty stopped and continued fiddling with this straw. “She probably told you she wants to adopt me?” 

It was a statement that was more of a question and his eyes dropped and wouldn’t meet hers. He looked like he wanted to slide under the table and disappear.

Brenda gripped her coffee cup the same way she had previously that morning in the kitchen with Sharon.

“We’ve talked about it, yes,” she confirmed.

“But you haven’t talked about it with me,” he mumbled. She could barely hear him. “I was kind of waiting for you to, you know bring it up. Don’t get me wrong, Sharon is amazing. She’s…. she’s done so much for me. But Sharon, she sees the good in people. Even if it isn’t really there.” 

Rusty was talking faster now, the words tripping over themselves and as the truth dawned on her, Brenda’s stomach dropped.

“But you. Brenda,” he finally lifted his head to look at her. “You see everything. You have this ability to kind of, I don’t know how to describe it,” he went on “to see into people..their secrets… You figure out who people are underneath the good parts of themselves that they’re trying to show the world. You’re not taken in with people’s bullshit, you…..”

Before she knew what she was doing her hand shot across the table to grip his and his flinch at the sudden movement before he settled and allowed her to comfort him made her heart cramp so hard she bit down on her lower lip so as not to cry out. She wanted to flay the people who had abused him so badly that something as simple as touch made him afraid and in the same moment she realized that because of her own fears he had been suffering needlessly.

“Rusty, have you been thinkin’ that because I, we, haven’t talked to you about the idea of adoption that somehow it’s me that doesn’t want you? That somehow, just because I’m trained to read human behaviour and coax confessions outta suspects that I see some hidden dark, bad part of you?” 

“Andrea says I’m a victim,” his voice was grim, “But I’m not a victim. I chose to be in that park. No one dragged me there. The things I’ve done…..”

“Oh Rusty,” Brenda’s other hand reached out to touch his face. Again he flinched and she let her hand drop to the table.

“I appreciate that you don’t want to face the world as a victim,” her voice was gentle but firm “I do. And Sharon and Andrea will probably talk to you about this differently than I will. Because you’re right, Sharon is good. Her heart is huge and her sense of right and wrong, of justice, makes her see the world as a much more black and white place than maybe I do.”

She locked Rusty’s eyes with her own.

“You were in that park, on that hillside, doin’ what you had to do to survive. And I respect that. But don’t you for a minute think that there’s somethin’ wrong or somethin’ broken or evil inside of you. Phillip Stroh tried to murder you, twice.”

“He tried to kill you too,” Rusty countered.

“He did. And I still have nightmares about it. I still wake up cryin’ in the middle of the night because I’ve dreamt I didn’t get to you in time. That I’ve lost you…. her voice broke and trailed off as the figure of Rusty doubled and then trebled in front of her and she realized that she was crying.

She scrubbed at the tears with the heels of her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?” Rusty asked

“Cryin’, I guess.” she replied. “And for bein’ my stupid, insensitive self about adoptin’ you. I should have, we should have talked to you about it when Sharon first brought up the idea with me. But the truth is Rusty, I was scared. It’s easy for Sharon. She has so much practice when it comes to motherin’. But I never wanted to be a mother.” 

Brenda felt more than saw him shift away and she reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“Until now, Rusty. Even though I have to be honest and it scares me to death and I have no idea what I’m doin’ half the time. It seems like bein’ a mother means makin’ up the rules as you go along and I’ve always been someone who liked to know all the rules goin’ in.”

Rusty laughed then and he smiled at her for the first time in what seemed like forever.

“I mean what kind of mother would I be if I can’t even manage to pick you up from your appointments on time?”

“You could start by using the damn GPS Sharon installed in the car for you.” Rusty retorted.

“It’s just so….fiddly,” Brenda finished lamely.

“There’s one other thing,” Rusty said, his voice tentative again.

“And what’s that?” Brenda asked.

“Sharon’s been divorced for awhile now and you two have been living together for almost three years. Don’t you think it’s time you made it more, you know, official?”

“More official? My, well her whole squad, who used to be my squad, all know we’re a couple. For heaven’s sake my ex-husband works with Sharon and I think he’s finally gotten over it. Granted Pope almost had a heart attack but I think even he’s managed to put his shock behind him. What could be more official than that……oh, you mean….” it finally dawned on Brenda.

“Bingo.” Rusty cocked his index finger and thumb into a mock pistol and pointed it at her.

“You think I should ask Sharon to marry me?” Brenda’s voice was incredulous

“Jeez Brenda, it’s what people who are as crazy about one another as you two are actually do. It’s not rocket science, “ he continued, “And it’s not like you guys can’t get married now. Or at least committed, or I don’t know have one of those legal partnership things.”

Brenda sat looking at him, her brows furrowed trying to catch up to where the conversation had gone.

“I s’pose I hadn’t really thought about it like that. I s’pose I just thought we’d keep goin’ on like we are. Happy.”

“For someone so good at figuring out criminals, Brenda, no offence but you’re kinda slow about, like, relationship stuff.”

Brenda knocked back the rest of her coffee and stared at Rusty, wide-eyed.

“Married? Me? Sharon?”

Rusty was nodding.

“But I’m even worse at bein’ married than I am at bein’ a mother. I was a wreck when I was engaged to Fritz. Just ask Sanchez, or Tao, or any of them. They’ll all tell you.”

“But Sharon isn’t Fritz,” Rusty said in a maddeningly logical voice. “I live with you remember? I see how disgustingly happy the two of you are,” he rolled his eyes. “Trust me, sometimes you’re too happy if you know what I mean.”

Brenda blushed. And then the blood drained from her face.

“What if she says no?”

“Seriously, Brenda? Are you for real?” Rusty scoffed. “Her turning you down would be the least of your worries. Since Jack signed the divorce papers Sharon’s been dropping little hints all over the place. For months.”

“She has!?” Brenda’s brows knit together as if she were concentrating on untangling a particularly difficult set of instructions.

Rusty sighed.

“God, how did you ever get anyone to confess?” 

Brenda waved her hand absently in front of him. “That’s completely different.”

“Obviously,” Rusty retorted. “Listen, Brenda, I can’t make you do anything but if it makes any difference, if I’m going to have a new family with two Mom’s it would be really great if we could be a family, you know, officially.”

“I’ll have to get her a ring,” Brenda mused. “Well that’ll be almost impossible. It doesn’t matter what I pick it’ll probably be the wrong style…”

“I can help you,” Rusty soothed. “And Gavin can too. He knows what she likes almost better than she does.”

Brenda stopped and simply looked at Rusty. The transformation from angry, sullen teen to open and eager young man was nothing short of miraculous and she realized that what she had said to him earlier was absolutely true. She hadn’t wanted to be a mother. But he’d crept up on her accidentally and faced with the idea that she might lose him, Brenda realized that she very much wanted to adopt Rusty Beck.

And Sharon. When Brenda thought about it, she realized she also very much wanted to marry Sharon Raydor.

“Thank you, Rusty,” Brenda said quietly.

“What’s there to thank me for?” 

“For helpin’ me see the important things that have been starin’ me right in the face.”

Rusty ducked his head and his face flushed and then he looked up, eyes eager.

“So, are you going to ask her!?”

“Not so fast young man,” Brenda stood up and Rusty followed her. “There’s an order of doin’ things.”

Brenda herded Rusty out of the cafe toward the car ticking off things in a list as they went.

“First I’ll have to find a ring that’s suitable, and then there’s the matter of talkin’ to her Momma and Daddy…”

Rusty rolled his eyes.

“Brennndaa, that is so old fashioned,” he griped. “Nobody does that anymore.”

“And I’ll have to find just the perfect place to do the proposin’,” she continued as if he hadn’t said anything.

They stopped at he car and she impulsively threw her arms around Rusty, drawing him to her in a fierce hug. Again, he stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed, his arms coming around her shoulders in an awkward hold. She held on for a moment and then pulled back.

“And you,” she said “You’ll have to be there. You’re a big part of this too.”

For a moment he looked as though he wanted to cry and then his face lit up.

“Hey Brenda,” he asked, “Do you think Sharon might be open to changing her last name?” 

“I don’t know, maybe?” Brenda answered, “Does it matter?”

“It’s just that, I already told her, ‘Rusty Raydor’ sounds like a cartoon character. But ‘Rusty Johnson’……” he finished. “That has potential.”

“Get in the car Mr. Beck,” Brenda laughed, “My system has had enough shocks for one day. This is a conversation we can continue at a later date.”

Rusty opened the passenger door and over the roof of the car smirked at Brenda.

“Whatever you say….Mom.”


End file.
